It had begun
when his name was Charles Hobuhet, a good Indian
name for a Good Indian.
The bee had
alighted, after all, on the back of Charles Hobuhet’s left hand. There had been
no one named Katsuk then. He had been reaching up to grasp a vine maple limb,
climbing from a creek bottom in the stillness of midday.
The bee was
black and gold, a bee from the forest, a bumblebee of the family Apidae. Its
name fled buzzing through his mind, a memory from days in the white school.
Somewhere
above him, a ridge came down toward the Pacific out of the Olympic Mountains
like the gnarled root of an ancient spruce clutching the earth for support.
The sun
would be warm up there, but winter’s chill in the creek bottom slid its icy way
down the watercourse from the mountains to these spring-burgeoning foothills.
Cold came
with the bee, too. It was a special cold that put ice in the soul.
Still
Charles Hobuhet’s soul then.
But he had
performed the ancient ritual with twigs and string and bits of bone. The ice
from the bee told him he must take a name. Unless he took a name immediately,
he stood in peril of losing both souls, the soul in his body and the soul that
went high or low with his true being.
The
stillness of the bee on his hand made this obvious. He sensed urgent ghosts:
people, animals, birds, all with him in this bee.
He
whispered: “Alkuntam, help me.”
The supreme
god of his people made no reply.
Shiny green
of the vine maple trunk directly in front of him dominated his eyes. Ferns
beneath it splayed out fronds. Condensation fell like rain on the damp earth.
He forced himself to turn away, stared across the creek at a stand of alders
bleached white against heavy green of cedar and fir on the stream’s far slope.
A quaking
aspen, its leaves adither among the alders, dazzled his awareness, pulled his
mind. He felt abruptly that he had found another self which must be reasoned
with, influenced, and understood. He lost clarity of mind and sensed both
selves straining toward some pure essence. All sense of self slipped from his
body, searched outward into the dazzling aspen.
He thought: I am in the center of the universe!
Bee spoke to
him then: “I am Tamanawis speaking to you. . . .”
The words
boomed in his awareness, telling him his name. He spoke it aloud:
“Katsuk! I
am Katsuk.”
Katsuk.
It was a
seminal name, one with potency.
Now, being
Katsuk, he knew all its meanings. He was Ka-, the prefix for everything human.
He was –tsuk, the bird of myth. A human bird! He possessed roots in many
meanings: bone, the color blue, a serving dish, smoke… brother and soul.
Once more,
he said it: “I am Katsuk.”
Both selves
flowed home to the body.
He stared at
the miraculous bee on his hand. A bee had been the farthest thing from his
expectations. He had been climbing, just climbing.
If there
were thoughts in his mind, they were thoughts of his ordeal. It was the ordeal
he had set for himself out of grief, out of the intellectual delight in walking
through ancient ideas, out of the fear that he had lost his way in the white
world. But a spirit had spoken to him.
A true and ancient spirit.
Deep within
his innermost being he knew that intellect and education, even the white
education, had been his first guides on this ordeal.
He thought
now, as Charles Hobuhet, he had begun this thing. He had waited for the full
moon and cleansed his intestines by drinking seawater. He had found a land
otter and cut out its tongue.
Kuschtaliute—the symbol tongue!
His
grandfather had explained the way of it long ago, describing the ancient lore.
Grandfather had said: “The shaman becomes the spirit-animal-man. God won’t let
animals make the mistakes men make.”
That was the
way of it.
He had
carried Kuschtaliute in a deer
scrotum pouch around his neck. He had come into these mountains. He had
followed an old elk trail grown over with alder and fir and cottonwood. The
setting sun had been at his back when he had buried Kuschtaliute beneath a rotten log. He had buried Kuschtaliute in a place he never again
could find, there to become the spirit tongue.
All of this
in anguish of spirit.
He thought: It began because of the rape and pointless
death of my sister. The death of Janiktaht… little Jan.
He shook his
head, confused by an onslaught of memories. Somewhere a gang of drunken loggers
had found Janiktaht walking alone, her teen-aged body full of spring happiness,
and they raped her and changed her and she had killed herself.
And her
brother had become a walker-in-the-mountains.
The other
self within him, the one which must be reasoned with and understood, sneered at
him and said: “Rape and suicide are as old as mankind. Besides, that was
Charles Hobuhet’s sister. You are Katsuk.”
He thought
then as Katsuk: Lucretius was a liar!
Science doesn’t liberate man from the terror of the gods!
Everything
around him revealed this truth—the sun moving across the ridges, the ranges of
drifing glouds, the rank vegetation.
White
science had begun with magic and never moved far from it. Science continually
failed to learn from lack of results. The ancient ways retained their potency.
Despite sneers and calumny, the old ways achieved what the legends said they
would.
His
grandmother had been of the Eagle Phratry. And a bee had spoken to him. He had
scrubbed his body with hemlock twigs until the skin was raw. He had caught his
hair in a headband of red cedar bark. He had eaten only the roots of devil’s
club until the ribs poked from his flesh.
How long had
he been walking in these mountains?
He thought
back to all the distance he had covered: ground so sodden that water oozed up at
each step, heavy branches overhead that shut out the sun, undergrowth so thick
he could see only a few body lengths in any direction. Somewhere, he had come
through a tangled salmonberry thicket to a stream flowing in a canyon, deep and
silent. He had followed that stream upward to vaporous heights… upward… upward.
The stream had become a creek, this creek below him.
This place.
Something
real was living in him now.
Abruptly, he
sensed all of his dead ancestors lusting after this living experience. His mind
lay pierced by the sudden belief, by unending movement beneath the common
places of life, by an alertness which never varied, night or day. He knew this
bee!
He said:
“You are Kwatee, the Changer.”
“And what
are you?”
“I am
Katsuk.”
“What are you?” The question thundered at
him.
He put down
terror, thought: Thunder is not angry.
What frightens animals need not frighten a man. What am I?
The answer
came to him as one of his ancestors would have known it. He said: “I am one who
followed the ritual with care. I am one who did not really expect to find the
spirit power.”
“Now you
know.”
All of this
thinking turned over, became as unsettled as a pool muddied by a big fish. What do I know?
The air
around him continued full of dappled sunlight and the noise and spray from the
creek. The mushroom-punk smell of a rotten log filled his nostrils. A stately,
swaying leaf shadow brushed purple across the bee on his hand, withdrew.
He emptied
his mind of everything except what he needed to know from the spirit poised
upon his hand. He lay frozen in the-moment-of-the-bee. Bee was graceful, fat,
and funny. Bee aroused a qualm of restless memories, rendered his senses
abnormally acute. Bee. . . .
And image of
Janiktaht overcame his mind. Misery filled him right out to the the skin.
Janiktaht—sixty nights dead. Sixty nights since she had ended her shame and
hopelessness in the sea.
He had a
vision of himself moaning beside Janiktaht’s open grave, drunk with anguish,
the swaying wind of the forest all through his flesh.
Awareness
recoiled. He thought of himself as the had been once, as a boy heedlessly happy
on the beach, following the tide mark. He remembered a piece of driftwood like
a dead hand outspread on the sand.
Had that
been driftwood?
He felt the
peril of letting his thoughts flow. Who knew where they might go? Janiktaht’s
image faded, vanished as thought of its own accord. He tried to recall her
face. It fled him through a blurred vision of young hemlock… a moss-floored
stand of trees where nine drunken loggers had dragged her to… one after
another, to. . . .
Something
had happened to flesh which his mind no longer could contemplate without being
scoured out, denuded of everything except a misshapen object that the ocean had
cast up on a curve of beach where once he had played.
He felt like
an old pot, all emotion scraped out. Everything eluded him except the spirit on
the back of his hand. He thought:
We are like bees, my people—broken into many
pieces, but the pieces remain dangerous.
In that instant,
he realized that this creature on his hand must be much more than Changer—far,
far more than Kwatee.
It is Soul Catcher!
Terror and
elation warred with him. This was the greatest of the spirits. It had only to
sting him and he would be invaded by a terrible thing. He would become the bee
of his people. He would do a terrifying thing, a dangerous thing, a deadly
thing. Hardly daring to breathe, he waited.
Would Bee
never move? Would they remain in this way for all eternity? His mind felt drawn
tight, as tense as a bow pulled to its utmost breaking point. All of his
emotions lay closed up in blackness without inner light or outer light—a sky of
nothingness within him.
He thought: How strange for a creature so tiny to exist
as such spirit power, to be such
spirit power—Soul Catcher!
One moment
there had been no bee on his flesh. Now, it stood there as though flung into
creation by a spray of sunlight, brushed by leaf shadow, the shape of it across
a vein, darkness of the spirit against dark skin.
A shadow
across his being.
He saw Bee
with intense clarity: the swollen abdomen, the stretched gossamer of wings, the
pollen dust on the legs, the barbed arrow of the stinger.
The message
of this moment floated through his awareness, a clear flute sound. If the
spirit went away peacefully, that would signal reprieve. He could return to the
university. Another year, in the week of his twenty-sixth birthday, he would
take his doctorate in anthropology. He would shake off this terrifying wildness
which had invaded him at Janiktaht’s death. He would become the imitation white
man, lost to these mountains and the needs of his people.
This thought
saddened him. If the spirit left him, it would take both of his souls. Without
souls, he would die. He could not outlast the sorrows which engulfed him.
Slowly, with
ancient deliberation, Bee turned short of his knuckles. It was the movement of
an orator gauging his audience. Faceted eyes included the human in their focus.
Bee’s thorax arched, abdomen tipped, and he knew a surge of terror in the
realization that he had been chosen.
The stinger
slipped casually into his nerves, drawing his thoughts, inward, inward. . . .
He heard the
message of Tamanawis, the greatest of spirits, as a drumbeat matching the beat
of his heart: “You must find a white. You must find a total innocent. You must
kill an innocent of the whites. Let your deed fall upon this world. Let your
deed be a single, heavy hand which clutches the heart. The whites must feel it.
They must hear it. An innocent for all of our innocents.
Having told
him what he must do, Bee took flight.
His gaze
followed the flight, lost it in the leafery of the vine maple copse far
upslope. He sensed then a procession of ancestral ghosts insatiate in their
demands. All of those who had gone before him remained an unchanging field
locked immovably into his past, a field against which he could see himself
change.
Kill an innocent!
Sorrow and
confusion dried his mouth. He felt parched in his innermost being, withered.
The sun
crossing over the high ridge to keep its appointment with the leaves in the
canyon touched his shoulders, his eyes. He knew he had been tempted and had
gone through a locked door into a region of terrifying power. To hold this
power he would have to come to terms with that other self inside him. He could
be only one person—Katsuk.
He said: “I
am Katsuk.”
The words
brought calm. Spirits of air and earth were with him as they had been for his
ancestors. He resumed climbing the slope. His movements aroused a flying
squirrel. It glided from a high limb to a low one far below. He felt the life
all around him then: brown movements hidden in greenery, life caught suddenly
in stop-motion by his presence.
He thought: Remember me, creatures of this forest.
Remember Katsuk as the whole world will remember him. I am Katsuk. Ten thousand
nights from now, ten thousand seasons from now, this world still will remember
Katsuk and his meaning.
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