the reason to
discuss paw is that he is one of the teachers and gives me instruction
continually and in the three years i've known him, or that he has appeared,
he's grown in intelligence and acuteness and accuracy and he also happens to be
the funniest person that i know he didn't start out as paw and i will tell you
the story
it all begins the
day i went to cancun three years ago when an invisible man walked into my
bedroom and i could just see the outline of his parka, and he dressed me very
slowly, i was still sweating, (or I was sweating then as well), in a black lace
bra and white cotton panties and then he put a finger up the leg of my panties
and tickled my hip-bone very chastely and said "coochi-coo" and made
me lie very still in between dressing so i wouldn't sweat the rest of it was up
to me i got on the plane and nothing happened until the meal was served when
there was a voice saying, "ma, eat the chocolate mousse, ask for
more?"
we got to cancun and
i put my suitcase down on a little table for suitcases, and overhead i heard
the clash of arms after the clash of arms i heard a woman's voice from the yoga
institute saying "well now we unpack our suitcases and put our undies
neatly on the shelf" i automatically began to unzip the suitcase to unpack
it and the invisible man grabbed me by the back of my parka and made me get
undressed i was soaking wet, my hair, my body, my clothes, everything and he
made me get undressed i hung up my clothes in deference to the yoga lady i put
my underwear and socks in the sink with some soapy water and the invisible man
pushed me into the shower where I took a shampoo and washed off the sweat the
invisble man disappeared the next thing that happened was purely mechanical, I
tried to get about a half dozen blankets to wrap myself up in because it was
pouring rain and it was cold i made a blanket roll of five blankets after i
discovered that you lie in the middle and you throw one blanket over the other,
(you begin on one side and rolling over them), and i put a blanket on top of
all that right up to my chin, and under- neath the blanket appeared the bear
i don't know that i
called him paw at this time or that he called himself paw at this time, but he
was a brown bear and i could see his head and his eyes and his nose peaking out
from underneath the top blanket and he had one paw chastely placed on my chest
between my breasts saying, "i have a real maw," and he stayed under
the covers for four weeks (i was there for four weeks trying to get a place out
but couldn't) and every once in awhile he'd say something like, "order
more chocolate cake ma" and "I have a real ma" and "my jaw
hurts"
the interesting
thing that i have to say about the bear is that he's an astral for an indian
someone has invented for him- self an astral that speaks for him in the form of
a bear in some indian legends a bear is a healer, not that paw has ever done
any healing for me,"* but his instructions were bood, except at the
beginning he really wasn't doing too much after four weeks when the sun came
out and it got really hot he walked out in full brown fur saying, "see you
onthe plane ma"
* but I have felt his real self sending me bliss
[now one thing
happened in mexico that i'd like to talk about and that's the man from sonora
who appeared astral this is a little interlude about paw the man from sonora
appeared in my bedroom three times before i left ny, just his white hat and his
long white hair and once a blanket over his shoulder before the ruins i got the
message the first week i was there that he wanted to meet the woman with the
long pipe (that's me) and he appeared in image form and he showed me a blanket
trick that explained a little bit of castanida to me he was obviously an
ancient mexican teacher who wanted to say certain things before he died and to
pass on some of his knowledge he kept flipping the blanket (all of these things
were very, very vividly seen) the blanket was sort of like in squares of
different colors with a black outline now the black outline always remained the
same but the patterns and colors of the squares kept changing so the lesson
learned from that you could create an image but you couldn't keep it constant,
you had to keep chaning the image he also had people circling the room, flying
over- head in a circle that's something i'm not able to do myself and neither or
any of the other teachers some of them can fly straight but nobody is able to
circle it isn't really necessary, it's a matter of who is watching whom it's a
way of guarding to have
the man from sonora
told me two things, he said "always give a health diagnosis out loud"
and "to speak slow while speaking silent" because of the rain and
because he wanted to meet me he made a long trip up the road from the ruins to
the hotel and evidently he broke a leg or something happened and he fell in a
ditch by the wayside and one night I woke up crying and sang a crossing song
from "the big huge," it's something about a great light crossing the
river, so i knew the man had died then appeared a woman, an elderly woman who
evidently put a cross by hisbones and who the following day showed me his white
hat, his white shirt, and white pants all neatly laundered and pressed out, so
i know the man had died]
ok, now the bear
lots of other things happened in mexico but i don't have time for them i want
to talk about paw
when i got home the
bear was very small, he had changed shape to a very small brown bear who lived
in a cupboard in my forehead it had blue sheets and if i looked through
catalogs and he saw some clothes that he liked he would immediately appear with
the clothes on particularly a pair of black bicycling shorts and some wading
shoes i tried to keep him occupied and i sent him on trips one was skiing in
south america, and one was sending him to the south pole, and finally he
decided to take his real ma on a honeymoon or whatever, a vacation and they
went aboard a great big ocean liner and she, i think she was called ma belle,
sat on a deck chair lounging on the deck of the ship and paw, or the bear, was
flying overhead in circles because he was bored sitting on the deck when they
got to france they rented a limousine and paw donned a chauffeurs cap and drove
the limousine and all through france all is saw were pile and iles of
spaghetti, that's all they seemed to eat for some reason also paw invented
travelers checks so that he could pay for this whole thing
this is the
imagination of someone whose name is unknown but who has invented a form
through which he can work so this was just sort of fun at the time you must
remember that paw has written a great deal for me he wrote "the
comma" in SILENT TEACHERS with noah kleinman my friend from england and he
wrote "turpitudimous" which i read in october and he also gets in
everywhere when i type up anything for the next book called WE SPEAK SILENT, or
whatever it's going to be called
finally paw and ma
belle landed on a caribbean island, just the two of them under the shade of a
palm tree the next thing i know paw turned into a great big white bear, not his
final form he was called poohee at the time
i went for a walk in
the park and poohee got locked in the apartment and had to squeeze himself
through the keyhole and i was accompanied in imae form by two people from the
yoga institute one dressed in white who was walking alongside me and one who
was dressed in pink who was sort of flying along beside me and poohee caught up
and started smooching, you know he started sort of leaning over and kissing me
or pretending to kiss me, or to tickle me or to laugh to make it a lovers lane
walk and i started to laugh hysterically and i thought what will ever happen if
i'm picked up by somebody, here i am talking to someone who is invisible an; oh
well he was very funny the next time i went to the park paw* left the path and
went over to some antique fair and came back with a velvet vest on it was a
lilac velvet vest with red braid and green stones and an earring i laughed
i talked to a girlfriend
on the phone a few nights later and she was a very beautiful girl and paw clued
me into the fact that i was talking to a very beautiful woman and he went out
to see her and the next morning he appeared combing hair out of his teeth and
the green stones were gone from his vest somewhere along the way his real ma
got pregnant and we were walking along 14th street with the open stalls and he
saw a bunch of little girls dresses he wanted a "pinkie" as he called
it little girls dresses with little angel sleeves and some towels so he quickly
donned a striped apron and cap imaged a big cart in front of him and trundled
off piles of baby dresses with angel wing sleeves and towels, and brought them
back to the apartment and we had to box them and ship them and send them all to
his home he used to sit on the bed next to me reading the new york times with
steel rimmed glasses the last time i really saw paw in any remarkable
circumstance was at woodstock he had disappeared for awhile, he said "maw
I have to go hime, something important is happening" and i was having
breakfast at a coffee shop and there appeared paw sitting across the table from
me with a big grin and next to him was a white lady bear, a daintier, felt to
be a gentle with a wreath and a long bridal veil and they were toasting each
other in white coffee cups that was the summer i hurt my back and the lady bear
would appear with a pink apron and a cup on a tray and would bring me coffee or
tea or whatever well i guess that's paw no maw im still really working hard
besides paw and mrs paw there is a baby bear.
*he was now in his final form, a large white bear
with a big fat tummy.
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